Derailed

Well holy shit it’s December. Happy fucking Holidays.

I know. Worst blogger ever right? At least it’s only a couple of months…as opposed to years in which case I don’t think anyone would be reading this. And don’t worry I’ll back-post to fill you in on all the crazy shit that’s happened.

First of all…how’s school? Amazing. Still totally loving the program and enjoying myself. I moved out of the godforsaken dorms. I now live in a crazy Italian woman’s attic. It’s like a hobbit hole in the sky. I have my own kitchen, my own bathroom, and a brand new giant bed. Paradise.

School work has been a bitch though. Thanks to my good friend Sandy, all our shit has been condensed into a totally crunched two-three week period. It’s been so strange…we don’t have TESTS. Instead we write papers. SO MANY PAPERS. And all of it has to be in APA style. Which is more confusing than Monopoly. Do not put a period there, do not use contractions, do not pass go, do not collect $200. GO TO JAIL. FAIL. So yeah…it’s been intense. Heading down the home stretch though and not taking classes over the winter term. Although I will be living in New York because I can’t leave the family I nanny for very long. Financially and also because they’ve become a second family and my little man (he’s two) is the cutest thing ever.

As you know, I’ve been dating seeing hanging out with the Fireman. Things had been going really awesome. Until he stopped calling. Completely out of the blue. Like I hadn’t even gotten a chance to put my crazy pants on and freak out and he stopped calling. C’mon. At least let me go nuts on you so I can feel like I actually know what I did wrong. I got an email from him last night…turns out it’s not me it’s him. No but seriously, it really is him. I guess his ex-girlfriend (dumb ho) called him…she hasn’t been feeling well and they’ve been testing her for cancer. Shitty yes. But I was under the impression that she was out of the picture, they broke up two years ago, and she wasn’t even that nice. I get it. You’re scared, you need to reach out to the people that know you well. Ok. Super. (What about your current boyfriend?!) But it “brought up a lot of feelings and memories” for him and he feels like he’s not in a place where he can mentally give me what I need. Good. Great. Grand. I’m sorry she’s sick, I’m sorry you’re confused, but maybe I should have put my crazy pants on and freaked out on you a few weeks ago so this situation wouldn’t suck so bad for me. Nahhh…I’m too classy for that so I’ll say “Thanks for being honest, enjoy the rest of your life.” and move on. The good news is I didn’t really want to get him a Christmas present anyway.

Now what? First, I’m going to finish my papers. Then I’m going to get through Christmas. And during all of that I’m going to continue to remind myself why I came to New York in the first place. FOR ME. Screw dudes. Screw exes. Screw all the bullshit. I let myself get distracted and derailed from the goal. It’s time to get my selfish pants back on and give the rest of the world the finger.

Much love…I’ve missed writing and obviously you missed my trainwreck that is a life.