Christmas has gone from one of my favorite holidays to one of the absolute worst. The divorce has really put a damper on things. I’d like to say I made the best of it but it’s still all fucked up. For the 24th, 25th, and 26th, I felt like Chevy Chase in Christmas Vacation.
On Christmas Eve, my brother (came home for Christmas!), my dad, and I went to my grandparents house. I had made one disaster of a pot roast (don’t ever overfill the crockpot. Less is more.) but overall it was fairly stress free. As long as you don’t count my grandmother insisting I had left my Lady Grace nightgown at her house. I don’t own any nightgowns, let alone from Lady Grace, and I own next to NOTHING in a LARGE. Unless you count the few kid’s larges I own…but absolutely nothing in a regular sized person’s large. After trying to convince her that it most certainly was not my nightgown, I am not the proud owner of this…in Purity Blue:
Sexy huh? My dad and brother found it hysterical. I’ve been hiding it around my dad’s apartment since I got it and now it’s showing up in my stuff. IT’S NOT MINE.
On Christmas Day, my brother and I went to Mom’s for the morning to open gifts. Don’t worry, her new boyfriend was there. It was awesomely awkward. Especially because I can’t hide my feelings whatsoever and am not sure whether or not I was overly nice. He’s a bit odd. Ok let’s be honest…I despise the whole thing. It’s a little soon don’t you think? I mean our bizarre family parties are one thing, but Christmas? C’mon Mom.
We headed to my aunt’s house for dinner after the morning awkwardness. Since the divorce, my dad has been making a list of the silver linings. I’m glad he’s being positive…I’m also glad he shares because he’s freaking hilarious. Never seeing mom’s family again is on the list…as is never having to eat there again. I don’t think the food is that bad…but he does. The highlight of the night was when my brother caught my uncle picking his nose on camera. He was at least two knuckles deep. Gross.
After the debacle that was Christmas, I got back to my dad’s and couldn’t find parking. I was so pissed off I called my friend and we decided to hit our local Chinese watering hole and get drunk. It was an excellent night after a couple of pina coladas. I also met an adorable Army guy. Thank you Santa!
The day after Christmas we (my mom, my brother, and I) headed to Maine to spend the night at my uncle’s lake house. My two uncles currently aren’t speaking and therefore can’t be in the same room as each other so we had to have yet a THIRD Christmas. I was excited to go to Maine, see some actual snow, and see my uncle, aunt, and cousins. It was going great until my mom started treating me like a 16-year-old. She wanted to go for a walk. Ok first? It’s fucking cold out. Second? I’m hungover as shit. Third? I just want to hang…can’t I just relax? I just spent the past two weeks high as a kite on coffee and adderall to get through finals…lay off me. Instead of taking my “no thanks” and saying, “ohh ok that’s fine!” She made the cat sound that people make when they’re implying that you’re being bitchy and crabby. Rrrreeowww!!!! OH NO YOU DIDN’T. The fastest way to piss me off is to continue to push my buttons when I’m already riled up. The “cat sound” pushes all of them. Needless to say the rest of the trip wasn’t pleasant between my mood and the snowstorm that my brother nearly drove us off the road in.
MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS!
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